The Very Seductive Barack Obama

Submit to the dark side.

Sarkozy Odd

my republican romance

Someone's gonna get their heart broken real soon.

The Phantasmagorical Brendan Nelson

With his previous incarnation as a Labor man vanishing into thin air, the phantastic Dr Nelson compellingly beckons us to join him in his latest role as leader of the Liberals.

Thats all he asks of you.

Curing Malcolm Turnbull

Despite looking more akin to the Robert Smith of today, you have to concede this is an improvement. Of sorts.

Maxine McKew - vampire slayer

You know what you have to do...

aaron proctor - a real live poligoth

One american politician who has clearly taken note of the political fashion advice offered on this site. Aaron Proctor, I salute you.

The Chronicles of Hilalia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction

Not yet a Poli(tician) , not actually Goth, a rather striking make-over none the less. Snatching first prize in Catallaxy's "Thick Sheik" competition, in reconfiguring al Hilali as Aslan/Islam the Lion, it seems I've managed to offend followers of two major faiths at once (..and i actually thought he looked quite cute).

Australia's own Vampire Warrior JULIA GILLARD

Deputy PM Jules, packing a punch in rubber.

EVIL GOBLIN KING PUTIN

One would have thought a dash of Bowie's dark side would do wonders for you Vladimir, but alas, this image is more Van Halen than Labyrinthian. Come to think of it, it was awful on the Thin White Duke as well. We'll explore something a little more transylvannian next time.

COUNTESS HELEN 'Ingrid' COONAN

You're a beautiful and intelligent woman Helen, and this vampish look only enhances your natural assets. Little wonder (media) barons from near and far delight in your communications.

PETER SKELLINGTON GARRETT

Jack Skellington has a very similar physique to you Peter, and successfully pulls off goth and pinstripe in this tidy little number.
Keep it real my friend, and Christmas won't have to be a nightmare.

KEVIN 'REBEL YELL' RUDD

Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you have to dress sensibly.

Crosses feature heavily in goth fashion and you needn't dye your hair black; Billy Idol pulled off an 80's cyber-goth-punk look quite well, but Kev - a word of advice - lose the wispy bowl 'do and throw in the odd sneer here and there.

SADDAM 'GOMEZ' HUSSEIN

Even dictators need to get snazzy every now and then. Infinately better than that scruffy beard, Sads old chap.

Former Prime Minister MALCOLM 'THE RAZOR" FRASER

So cold, so calculating...yet strangely debonair.

Thrilling Obama

It's close to midnight and something evil may well be lurking in the dark, but I think we should just keep this to ourselves for now Obama. Even the presence of zombies,vampires or John Howard is NO excuse for a Goth to dance like a teapot.

Lord and Lady Queenslandria PETER BEATTIE & ANNA BLIGH

mmm..what a dashing couple we make, Lord Peter Beattie and Lady Anna Bligh, elegantly vying for the ongoing domination of Queenslandria. What, pray tell, is the secret behind those radiant complexions?

PHILIP 'DAVROS' RUDDOCK and his Dalek hordes...

Philip....Davros isn't Goth per se, but i can see the attraction...battalions of daleks to do your dirty work.......so i'll give you points for at least trying to be dark and mysterious.

GEORGE LESTAT BUSH ( What have you done to my innocent world?) & BILL CLINTON

George, you Beast! What have you done to her?



Bill, get your ass over here and see what you can do. The fate of the world rests in your hands.

North Korea's KIM 'DR EVIL' JONG-IL

North Korea's Kim Jong-Il. He's not Dr Evil ...he's just a very naughty boy.

Peter 'Interview with a Vampire' Costello & Amanda "mistress of the Dark" Vanstone

Grrr..Amanda..you go goth girl!

And Pete...thats a great image....great hair, outfit, cane...but lose the grin..its just not doing it for me.

POLIGOTHS - more than an image..its a way of life.

While politicians exhibit many of the traits associated with the gothic; vampirish capacity to drain the lifeblood out of the living, nefarious schemes; dark deeds and desires, mysterious plans and extravagent lifestyles virtually all of them lack the associated charm or charisma which makes this emminently palatable.

POLIGOTHS is an attempt to redress this imbalance, not only putting some style back into these bland characters, but at the same time saving the people much time and money.

No longer is there need to wait till election time to rid oneselves of roguish undead...simply bring out the garlic, the crucifixes, and an old wooden stake. Fiendishly simple. Muwahahahahah!!!!

(Poligoth concept by tanja stark. PLease contact me with any copyright issues. 2005)

Kim X-Man Beazley ALP Leader

Kim, as promised here is an alternative to that pugsley image down below ! Much more suave dont you think?

p.s. The x-man title is in no way related to your status as ALP leader.

Ex- PM's Paul "Marilyn" Keating , Bob "Lugosi" Hawke and Gough 'Hitchcock' Whitlam presents...

Next to Bartlett, you are perhaps Australia's next gothiest politician Paul. Seems there was more to that 'Undertaker' nickname than we realised. (Paul-bearer?) Your years managing bands should have been a dead give away. You bad thing you.

Gough, all i can say about turning you into a Poligoth is: "its time". You can't dismiss that.

...and sorry Bauhaus, looks like Bela Lugosi's not dead!

International Poligoths - Tony Blair & Condoleezza Rice

Tony, you can be my Prince Charming anytime. Condie, do you think this image could be prophetic? Just a thought.

PETER 'BADSEED' COSTELLO Federal Treasurer & JOHN 'Grandpa' HOWARD - Prime Minister of Australia

Very dark Peter..mmm yes. Thats much better.

And dont you look charming and suave John?
I just knew you'd grow into your eyebrows someday.

Peter "Lurch" Garrett - ex- Midnight Oil frontman now Federal Labor Member

It doesn't seem too much of a leap from Midnight Oil rock god to creepy goth icon. Midnight is just sooo goth, and you already have the mandatory deep-set eyes (sans eyebrows in this case) and pulsating veins.

Why arent there more politicians like you?
p.s. I think you look fabulous with or without hair.

TONY "SCISSORHANDS" ABBOTT - Federal Liberal Minister and goth fetish

Tony Tony...oh, if only.
You make one damn fine goth. You can hang with me anytime.

Liberal Foreign Minister ALEXANDER DOWNER

Alexander, you just scream goth camp to me! There is something so naughty and repressed about you...it cant help but manifest in the kinkiest ways.

Go on, touch me baby. You know you want to.

Democrat Senator Andrew Bartlett - Lord of the Poligoths

Andrew, if it weren't for you who could they aspire to? You're the High Priest of Poligothdom. And I didn't even have to photoshop you.
Luurve the chicken.

btw kids, Andrew has kindly shared the secret of those melodramatic late night speeches here: The Goth-o-matic Poetry Generator (... no cheating now, Alexander)

Bob 'Herman Munster' Brown - Greens Senator

Just like Herman Munster, Bob, you're green, lanky, lovable.. and a little stiff. (The double entendre is completely unintentional).

Kim Beazley ALP Leader & Julia Gillard Labor Member

I have always had quite a soft spot for you, Kim. This Pugsley image just doesn't do you any justice, does it? I think we'll have to explore your inner goth-dom a little further...feel free to send me your suggestions.

As for you Julia..just a quick goth beauty tip.....you can NEVER have too much eyeliner. Go for it honey.

Finally...a shameless plug for my Suburban Gothic Range of Religious Icon Jewellery. Available at WestSide Tattoo in Boundary St West End Brisbane, Shop at Redshift Clothing & Jewellery Online Goth/Punk/Emo store..or best of all email me - link on my profile top right hand corner and i'll send 'em out to you. They make divine (post friendly) gifts at just Aus $19 and help keep this website up!

Poligoths may be sublime, but Jesus was gothier than them all - HERE.

Finally lets start at the very beginning:
The Genesis of Goth - (FOund this online, sadly i didnt write this, just wish i did!!)

In the beginning, there was Goth. And Goth was good and the earth was formless and desolate. Everything was engulfed in total darkness and it was a really nice place. Then Goth commanded, "Let there be light" - and light appeared. Then, blinded, Goth screamed, "Too bright! Too bright!" - and Goth separated the light from the darkness and knew there'd been a terrible mistake in creating light. But it was too late. Evening passed and morning came and Goth had three cups of coffee, created sunglasses and sunscreen - that was the first day.

Then Goth commanded, "Let there be a dome to divide the water so my velvet doesn't get wet" - and it was done. So Goth made a dome and it separated the sky from the water below it. Goth dried his velvet and decided the decision to divide water from air was much better than the creation of light. Evening passed and morning came - that was the second day.

Then Goth commanded, "Let the water below the sky come together in one place, so that the land will appear" - and it was done. There was earth and there was sea and Goth was pleased that there was a solid place for dancing and carousing. Goth decided to make the solid stuff pretty and commanded, "Let the earth produce all sorts of plants" - and it was done. So the earth produced weeping willows, hemlock, poppies, lilies, roses, bella donna and daisies. Goth wasn't so pleased with the daisies, but decided to ignore them for the time being. Evening passed and morning came - that was the third day.

Then Goth commanded, "Let a little bit of light, but only a little bit this time, appear in the sky to separate night from day" - and it was done. Tiny sparkling stars shone in the sky and twinkled like club lights. Goth was pleased. Evening passed and morning came - that was the fourth day.

Then Goth commanded, "Let the water be filled with all sorts of living things, and let the air be filled with birds." So Goth created goldfish and Goth's cat spent hours watching them swim back and forth in a little glass bowl. And Goth listened to the crows caw, and was pleased. Evening passed and morning came - that was the fifth day.

And then Goth said, "And now I'll make a human being; it will be like me and will resemble me." So Goth created a human with pale flesh, black hair and long tapered fingernails. Goth gave it black eyeliner and black fingernail polish to play with and the human was pretty. Goth told it, "I'm putting you in charge of my goldfish. Feed them well. And the crows and all the other wild animals. I have provided all kinds of plants and stuff. Aren't I nice?" - and it was done. Goth looked at everything which had been made and was fairly satisfied, except for the whole light thing... Goth really wished the light hadn't happened but it was too late. Evening passed and morning came - that was the sixth day.

And so the whole universe was completed. By the seventh day Goth finished and stopped creating stuff. Goth relaxed, drank some red wine, smoked a clove and listened to the Sisters of Mercy. And that was how the universe was created.

Goth placed the little human in a really nice garden to cultivate and guard it. Goth told the human, "You may not wear the khakis of the tree that gives knowledge of what is preppy and what is not; if you do, you will regret it and I'll be pissed." The little human looked at the khaki tree with
indifference and said, "Screw the tree. I'm lonely. Give me a pretty little
goth girl."

So Goth slipped some nightshade into the little human's wine and made a little goth girl to keep him company so he would have someone to share his misery and depression with and to have someone to dance and drink with. The goth boy and goth girl were pale and naked, but they weren't embarassed.

Satan appeared. He was wearing Birkenstock sandals, khaki pants, an Old Navy sweatshirt and a Gap hat. Satan was listening to some insipid boy band on his headphones when he spied the goth girl. He said to her, "Did Goth really tell you not to wear the khakis of that tree over there?" The goth girl answered, "Yeah. Goth told us that if we did, we'd regret it."

Satan replied, "That's such bullshit. You won't regret it... Goth said that because Goth knows that when you wear them, you will be like Goth and know what is good and what is bad. Besides... they're not so bad... they're really comfortable."

The goth girl saw how soft the khakis looked and thought it'd be wonderful to become wise since she didn't even know what 'preppy' was. So she took some khakis and wore them. Then she gave a pair to the goth boy and he also wore them. As soon as that happened, they were given understanding and knew what 'preppy' was. They promptly tore off the khakis and dressed themselves in black lace and black vynil and black velvet.

That evening, they heard Goth wandering through the garden, humming a tune from the Nightmare Before Christmas. Goth spied the little goth boy and goth girl and was pissed. Goth cried, "Did you wear the khakis I told you not to wear?" The goth boy answered, "Ummm... she did it! She gave them to me!"
Goth turned to the little goth girl and said, "You stupid bitch... why did you do this?" The little goth girl replied, "Satan made me do it."

Then Goth said to Satan, "Satan, you will be punished for this..." but Goth really couldn't think of anything since Satan was, after all, Satan... so Satan left and went to the mall. Goth said to the goth girl, "You will have bad cramps and bad hair days. It'll suck." And Goth said to the goth boy, "Get the freak out of my garden. You can't play here anymore. You will now see how good you had it. In the garden, you had protection from football jocks and ignorant, mean people. You had protection from mass commercialization and The Limited and general teasing. In the garden, everyday is Halloween. Now you'll only be able to celebrate the holiday once a year."

So Goth sent the little goth boy and goth girl out of the garden and made them endure the taunts of ignorant preppy people. Then, at the east side of the garden, Goth placed a flaming sword which turned in all directions. This was to keep anyone from coming near the tree of khaki.


May the Goth be with You.